Plop Goes The Weasel

I changed a diaper this morning. It was poopy. Moments later, the new diaper was also poopy. This is the sucky part of Thanksgiving. More food in, more diapers out. So I changed the second one. When I went to roll the diaper up to put it in the diaper genie, something was wrong. No poop. But there WAS poop in there. I saw it. But then it was gone. How does poop disappear like that? But more importantly, when poop disappears like that, where does it disappear to? The mystery was solved when Jordan plopped himself down in my lap to get his shoes on. 
Round and round the changing table 
The mommy chased the poopy
The mommy stopped
Twas on the boy's pants
Plop goes the weasel
I have no time the poo to find
I've no time to clean it  
Then he sits it's on our pants
Plop goes the weasel

Marco Jordo

We went Christmas tree hunting yesterday in Apple Hill. We searched and searched before finally finding the perfect tree. It took forever because Jordan kept tripping over the tiny trees planted between all the big trees. Run, trip, fall, lay on the ground, wait for attention from a parent, any parent, get up, repeat hundreds of times. It took forever. But when we found our tree, it was beautiful- almost perfectly symmetrical and just the right height. Fluffy enough and no holes. Perfect. While the tree farm guy was cutting it down for us, I took the opportunity to snag some cute candid photos of Dave and Jordan in front of our tree. Then they began walking back to the car and I thought I better take a couple of Emma and myself, since it is her first Christmas. It only took me a second, then I ran with Emma to catch up to the boys. When we reached Dave, something was missing. Our son. "Where's Jordan?" I asked. 
"I don't know. You don't know?" said Dave. 
"No I don't know- I thought you knew."
We looked out over a sea of trees. No Jordan in sight. Panic ensued. 
"Jordan?!?! Jordan?!?!" I called...
Giggling of the one year old sort ensued.
I ran toward the giggling. It ran too. Away though. We freaking lost our kid in a Christmas tree farm.  

Bed Rash

It was an unusually quiet morning at our house this morning. That scares me. But Dave said that Jordan was watching Sesame Street in our bed so I thought nothing of this strange lack of noise. Then I went to check on Jordan. He has been suffering from a terrible case of diaper rash since the Thanksgiving feast, so we have been checking his diaper and slathering the Vaseline on the poor guy liberally. And when I walked in to check on him I immediately realized that 1) we left the Vaseline too close to the edge of the changing table and 2) he is also capable of liberal usage. I also realized that 3) we may need a new bedspread and 4) Jordan definitely needs a new fake remote control. I further realized that 5) remote controls are the perfect size for dipping into a Vaseline jar and 6) remote controls can make excellent slathering tools. After that, I realized that 7) toddlers don't like the taste of Vaseline and 8) they tend to spit when they can't get something they don't like out of their mouths and 9) pajamas and carpet are good for the removal of Vaseline from the hands. And then I realized that 10) I don't know how to clean up any of this mess.

Wata Made You So Late?

We were planning on going to a friend's house for a play day a couple of days ago when I nearly lost my mind. We were in a hurry to get ready because I lost track of the time. Emma had taken a bath the night before, so I didn't think she needed another one when we were already running late. But it's easy enough to take Jordan into the shower with me. I dressed Emma quickly while the water warmed up and put her in her Bumbo seat next to the shower. After our shower, I dried Jordan off and ran to grab him a diaper. I came back less than thirty seconds later to find Jordan with his bath bucket (that we use for washing hair in the tub) in his hand. He had clearly emptied it onto Emma at least once, and onto the floor a couple of other times. I wrapped a towel around Emma and grabbed Jordan. I put his diaper and clothes on him as quickly as I could and ran to grab new clothes for Emma. Upon my return about twenty seconds later, I found Jordan sitting in the bath tub. Fully clothed. Soaking wet. We were late that day.

Put A Fork In It

I was feeding Emma the other morning when Jordan came into the kitchen and started doing the dirty diaper dance and tugging at the front of the diaper, trying to pull it off. He normally never complains when the diaper is just wet, and I didn't smell any bad smells, so I couldn't figure out why he was doing the dance. I cleaned Emma up and took Jordan into the other room to change his diaper. When I opened it up, I immediately understood the urgency in his dance. There was a fork in there.

Big Break

I haven't been blogging as often as I would like to. My laptop battery died. Now I can't type in a Jordan free area. As a matter of fact, he is sitting on my lap right now. I'll show you why I haven't posted in a while by not hitting delete for the next couple of sentences. Hit it Jordan!

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See... I wrote "I'm trying to type." More blogs to come! Thank you all for being so patient with me and returning to my blog despite the lack of recent postings! :)

Jordan's Poem

I feel your tears running down my cheeks.
I know the peace the teardrop seeks.
I kiss your head, you close your eyes.
And dream of fluttering fireflies.
The day is long, the night is short.
The night will heal the day's long hurt.
And when you wake and see the light,
forget the pain you felt last night.

I wrote this little poem for Jordan the other day. I was mopping the floor when he ran in to hug me, arms outstretched, and when his feet touched the slippery floor, they flew out from beneath him and he hit his head on the floor. That night, he was having trouble falling asleep, and hearing him cry was more emotional for me than it usually would be because of the day's events. So he needed a poem. :)

You Know You're a Mom When... (Part Two)

*You get a better workout at the picture framing store than you did at the gym. But you're not sure if it's because the gym's play center asked you to come get your kids immediately half way into your workout or if it's because you definitely ran faster and lifted more weight in the store, as your toddler went running through the aisles of glass picture frames and you had to chase him down and carry both babies (one screaming and kicking) through the store to get out.

*Designated kid sheet washing day is Monday, but if their sheets don't smell like one of the three P's (pee, poop or puke) you don't worry about them.

*You already know what you would wish for if you were granted three wishes: 1. sleep 2. no crumbs 3. a sound-proof, vaulted locking bathroom door.

*You feel guilty for not using enough adjectives in your speech.

*You are entertained by the neighbor's overly yappy dog, but only because you think it's cute that your toddler keeps barking back.

*You wouldn't use the word "mess" to describe the living room floor when the entire contents of the toy box had been emptied upon it. However, the moment food products become involved, the word immediately becomes appropriate.

*You never ever ever knew food could be so messy.

*Five minutes before the kids' bedtime you secretly wish you were comatose and therefore not physically capable of changing diapers and jammies and brushing teeth and carrying babies to beds.