The Unexpected Joys

Nobody prepared me for the unexpected joys of motherhood. No book, no magazine, no tv show, no doctor. I knew that hormones from pregnancy can make people moody. But I didn't know that my brain was going to shrink 7%. And although the shrinking is supposed to reverse after the baby is born, I don't think it did before it shrunk another 7% with my second pregnancy. So now I've lost anywhere from like 10-14% of my brain but I'm still supposed to act like I haven't lost my mind? And nobody ever told me that I was going to have to tuck my tummy into my pants afterwards. I knew my tummy would get bigger and then smaller. But I didn't know that the skin was going to get bigger and then not smaller. And I didn't know that the chiropractor was going to be taking up space on my "favorites" list on my phone. I knew my stomach muscles would be shot, but I didn't know that was going to blow my back out too. I also didn't know that I was going to have worse acne than a teenager who eats pizza and chocolate as a staple, and that pregnancy and breast-feeding automatically make you a non-candidate for any dermatological acne treatment. I didn't know that, after I had my kids, I was also going to get eczema -- a huge perk when you already don't look good in a swim suit, I might add. I mean, what's better than a braindead, acne-ridden, tummy tucking-in whale in a swim suit? A spotted one!