Potty Robber

I woke up at 2:15 this morning to my son's frantic voice. "I needa go potty! I need help!" So I staggered out of bed and helped him get to the toilet. He gets terribly upset if I turn even a dim light on in the middle of the night, so I left them off and felt my way over to the sink to wash my hands when he was done. I finally got back to my bed and plopped myself down. Right on top of a skinny little three year old.
Me: You stole my spot, Jordan!
Jord: No, I sleep here too.
Me: No. Scoot over if you want to stay in here. Otherwise go to your own bed.
Jord: Okay, I gonna scoot over and go get my blankie. Den I come back ok?
Me: Okay.
Jord: Don't steal my spot, Mommy. I be really mad if you do. I get da edge.

Are you kidding me?! I got hijacked.

Ungentlemanlike Conduct

We left the doctor's office the other day and I held the door for the man behind us. He walked out the open door into the lobby with us and rushed around us to the next door. I was thankful because I had both kids with me and maneuvering out the door butt first can be a challenge when the door is heavy. So the man opened the door and... well, let it slam in our faces. Hmm. I re-opened it and ushered my little brood out right behind this man when Jordan decided to go all vocal. "Hey guy!" Jordie yelled to him (the man was only a few steps ahead of us). "You're rude! You are NOT a gentleman!" Geez it's one thing to be rude and have somebody confront you about it, but dude just got called out by a three year old for ungentlemanlike conduct. And on the other side of this, my toddler just stuck up for us. I'm a proud mommy! :)

Web of Love

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and realize I'm half way off the edge of the bed and I'm covered in a web of toddler arms and legs. I've been kicked and hit and shoved out of bed by these little 4 a.m. visitors. I haven't slept enough and I'm roasting from all the body heat. And then I realize how blessed I am that my kids love me so much they can't wait two more hours to come snuggle. That something about my bed and my presence is comforting enough to them that they don't mind being squished and hit by each other. That this is free snuggle time - I didn't even have to pay in candy for it. And that I've been given an awesome chance to take a moment from the chaos of our daily grind and almost freeze time. These kids are growing up before my eyes. I can't stop it. I can only enjoy these little things. And I better do that before they wake up and realize they have each others blankies and the fights begin again. ;)

Car-go

I explained to the kids that the gas pedal makes the car go and the brake pedal makes the car stop. I was smiling to myself while I was explaining this, thinking I would earn major brownie points from Dave for teaching his babies about mechanics. A few minutes later, grin still in place, I quizzed my minions to make sure their newfound knowledge had been cemented in their little memories.
"What makes a car go?" I asked excitedly...
"Gas!" they shouted from the back seat...
"What makes a car stop?"
"Red yights."
"WROiiiiight."

The Return of the Green Puppy

It has been months since Jordan first decided he wanted a green puppy. We've heard many, many stories about the green puppy since that first day. But since there aren't any green puppies out there, we thought we would try to redirect Jordan a little. When he started talking about getting a green puppy, we told him he can't have a green one but he COULD choose between a regular puppy or no puppy. The conversation continued for several minutes and we realized he wasn't getting it. Dave tried to put it differently...
Dave: Look, Buddy, you can either have a black puppy or no puppy. What do you choose?
Jordan: Gween puppy.
D: Okay you have a box with a black puppy and you have a box with no puppy. Which box do you want?
J: None of dem. I wan da box wif da gween puppy.
D: Okay there is a man and he has three boxes. One has a green puppy (uses his hands to show the "boxes"), one has a black puppy, and one has no puppy. The man says you cant have the box with the green puppy but you can have either of the other two boxes. What do you do?
J: I get a NEW man and HE give me da gween puppy.


Fast forward to today, when Jordan had to go in and get a couple of stitches in his chin after a trip into the sidewalk...
The nurse gave Jordan a little sedation before the stitches. She returned a few minutes later to see if it had kicked in yet. She was immediately pleased that the sedation was working... Oh wait, he ALWAYS talks about green puppies running through the rainbows? Nevermind, I'll come back in a few more minutes when it actually kicks in...

Broken Heart

I tried to guilt Jordan into hugging me this morning after he refused my first couple of hug requests. I told him I had a broken heart. He told me "Wait a mint. I go get da tape."

Brown vs White

Emma told me that my eyes are brown. Jordan didn't want to mid out on the praise, so he quickly chimed in...
J: You'w eyes have WHITE too!
Me: You're right! Good job guys!
J: You'w haiw is bwown too.
Em: You'w haiw have white too Mommy.
Me: Yeah, thanks guys... Good job.
J: You'w teef is bwown too.
Em: Dey white.
J: Dey bwown.

Whoa whoa whoa guys. Thanks a lot. :(

A Rash of Embarrassment

We went to the pediatrician for a little checkup. When the doctor walked in, Jordan went slightly limp in my arms. I thought he was just being shy, but the moment she asked how everything is going, he croaked out "I have a rash" in his best fake sick voice. She came over as he held out his leg and she took a look. I was shocked to see that he really did have spots all down his leg! The doctor checked it out and took a deep breath... "That's dirt, Jordan. I think you need a shower little guy!" The bad news is that my kid is so filthy even HE thinks he's got a rash and I took him to the doctor like this (embarrassing!). The good news is that my kid is going to be able to take good care of me when I'm senile after he wins his first Oscar, and I won't be able to see the dirt then anyway! :)

Don't Eat Your Burgers

We've been out running errands all day and the kids started to get hungry, so I thought I'd make a stop for some fast food. I got the kids really excited about eating burritos for the first time because I thought Taco Bell sounded better than Carls Jr at the time and I knew they would be wondering where their nuggets were. But when we got to Taco Bell, it was closed. I was pretty bummed and I turned the car around and told them "I guess we'll have to eat burgers." Jordan was horrified. "Don't eat your burgers Mommy! Dat nasty."

Mmm... Phlegm-broiled boogers are my favorite though.

They're For Boys

Jordan and Emma are really into coins lately. When Dave comes home from work each evening, he gives them the coins in his pockets and they put them in their banks. This has become a huge deal to them, and Dave gets the cold shoulder if he doesn't have any change when he comes home. I feel bad for him sometimes when they act so excited that he's home and then they just want his money. I guess this is what it's like being a dad though, huh? Well, Emma had a small collection of coins that she had been dragging around all day and wasn't quite ready to retire to her bank. She played with them for hours until it was time to take a shower. I made her leave them on the floor by the shower. Sure enough, Jordan wandered by and they caught his eye, and he began playing with the coins. I didn't tell him to stop because I didn't want to point out to Emma that she was being robbed while she was in the shower, because it freaking echoes in there and echoed screaming really has a way of rattling the good mood straight out of me. When Emma was done showering and realized on her own that she had been robbed, she handled it well...
E: Jodie, dose MY coins.
J: Nope, dey mine.
E: No Jodie, dose is mine. I had dem.
J: No Emma, deese ah foh boys.
E: Dey not foh boys, Jodie. Dey foh me.
J: Nope, see (shows her faces of the coins) -- dey gots boys on dem. Dey foh boys.