I think I'm finally recovered from the disaster called Tuesday. Here's how it went... (This is a little long)
7:00am -- I had to wake up at 7:00 to get to the kids to their doctor appointment. This may not sound early to most of you working people, but Emma doesn't sleep at night, so after about three hours of sleep, I was having to crawl out of bed, throbbing eyeballs and all. I got ready to go and woke the kids up and had them all dressed and ready to go on schedule (we needed to leave by 8:30).
8:30am -- I take both kids out to the garage and start putting Emma in her carseat.
8:31am -- Jordan trips in the garage and lands face down on top of his banana. Black shirt has smashed banana smeared everywhere.
8:32am -- I change Jordan into a fresh white shirt.
8:34am -- As I finish buckling Emma's carseat, Jordan finds a half-full can of Dr. Pepper in the garage and promptly pours it all over his white shirt.
8:35am -- I change Jordan into a gray shirt.
8:37am -- As I lift Jordan into the car, I am struck by the familiar odor of the poopy diaper...
8:38am -- I change Jordan's diaper. He struggles, kicking the poopy diaper onto the floor. I then have to clean up the poop on the floor as well as the poop on his shoe. Finally we are ready to go.
8:46am -- I get Jordan all strapped into the car. I grab three bottles of water for the car.
9:15am -- Stuck in traffic on our way downtown, I realize the stroller is at Grammy's house. I can't stop because our appointment is in 15 minutes.
9:26am -- I get to the parking lot of the pediatrician. I get the kids out and decide to make a sacrifice, leaving the diaper bag behind, because I don't think I can carry one child in each arm, a purse, AND a diaper bag.
9:31am -- We are all checked in at the doctor's office and sitting in the waiting room. I smell something strange but don't worry about it.
9:37am -- We are called into the examination room. I set Emma on the table to undress her and realize that the strange smell was poop. It is running up the back of her dress all the way to the neckline. It is running down her tights all the way into her boots. It is running down the side of my shirt, as well as the leg of my pants. Oh yeah, and I don't have a diaper bag.
9:38am -- The nurse runs down the hall to grab some wipes and a diaper. Jordan follows her. He falls in love somewhere in these couple of minutes.
9:50am -- The nurse finishes her part of the job and leaves the room. Jordan is devastated. He begins screaming.
10:20am -- The doctor finally comes in to examine the kids. Jordan is still screaming, and continues to scream until...
10:50am -- The nurse comes back in to give the kids their shots. Jordan immediately stops screaming. I don't have a stroller so I can't confine Jordan as Emma gets her shots. As Emma gets her shots, Jordan tries to climb onto the table to get the attention of the love of his life. The stool slips out from beneath him and he falls to the floor. He smashes his chin on the table and bites through his tongue. Blood everywhere, Jordan screaming, Emma screaming from the shots and the terror of her brother's screams...
11:07am -- We finally get out of the doctor's office and into the car. WHEW.
11:21am -- Stressed out, I stop at McDonalds for lunch. They forget to give me a straw.
12:40pm -- We are finally home. I sit on my bed and feed Emma, and Jordan is quietly playing behind us. I finish feeding Emma. I turn around and see that Jordan has taken the barbeque sauce out of the McDonalds bag. It is smeared all over our white sheets.
Approximately 5:30pm -- After meeting a friend at Costco and doing our shopping while Jordan tried desperately to smash Emma out of the cart, then coming home and spending the rest of the day cleaning, Jordan gets into the refrigerator. He takes out a couple of eggs. He smashes them together. They explode all over his face, the fridge, the floor, the cabinets. He is horrified. I am horrified. But I can't help it and I burst into laughter. He runs over to me and hits my butt. He tells me "Bad Mama!" and runs away crying. I have to pretend to be serious as my insides melt into a pile of out of control laughter. I put him on timeout and try to count to twenty without laughing. Tears roll down my face.
6:00pm -- I finish cooking dinner for us (Dave had to work late). I give Jordan a bowl full of it. He takes a bite. I ask him if he likes it. He makes a gagging face and his whole body shudders. He hands me his full bowl and says "Bad Mama."
6:01pm -- I consider adoption. ;)
