Sweet Dreams

A couple of months ago we were putting the kids to bed when Jordie asked if he could say the prayer. Here was his prayer:
Now I lay me
Down to sleep
I pray the lord
My soul to keep
And if I pie before I cake
I pray the lord, my soul to cake.
Almonds.

Chalklet

I was just finishing up the breakfast dishes when Emma walked in completely covered in blue. It was in her hair, on her hands, clothes, face, and even her toes. A perfect opportunity for a little talk about getting into things? Would have been, if she hadn't started crying...

Em: Mommy, brudder telled me dis choc-it an it NOT! It gwoss!
(Tears begin to stream... Brother runs in on the defense.)
Jord: I NOT say'd it choc-it! I say'd it CHALK, Mommy! She eated it!
Em: Ohhh nooo Mommy, it gwoss. He need time-out.
Jord: Not time-out! I say'd chalk, Mommy. SHE say'd choc-it.

That may be the cutest mistake I think I've ever seen.

Volcano Mom

I'm not what you would call a "morning person." Actually, I'm a pretty awful person to be around until after I've had a cup of coffee. And this is the self-admitted part so it's probably worse than I think. But what REALLY gets me is when I'm dozing peacefully and suddenly, inches from my face, I hear that sound that Jim Carrey once deemed the "most annoying sound in the world" ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cVlTeIATBs ) coming from one of my kids. I feel like the guy in the middle seat. Except add that to the absence of my first cup of coffee, multiply reaction by two (once for each kid), and think of the potential energy once that festers for a few minutes (while I try to maintain serenity). I turn into Volcano Mom... that villain in the movies who appears to be sleeping, then explodes almost instantly into a scary, messy-haired monster that yells "I'm up!" and starts shooting pillows at its unsuspecting victims. Then there is that weird "only one thing can stop her! (drumroll) COFFEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" deal that actually works. I mean, I don't know... maybe that part is all still in my dream but that freaking noise that they make really gets to me.

Question of the Day...

I was snuggling the kids up before breakfast when Jordie asked his question:

J: Mommy, I'm going to get big like you?
Me: Yep, someday Buddy. Someday you'll even be bigger than me.
J: And my butt, too?

What are you trying to say kid?

No Stanks

I got an opportunity to run a few errands yesterday without kids. Our Kenyan friend, Monta (okay, his name is Nelson but the kids have called him "Monta" from the beginning and now it has kind of stuck), has been staying with us and I had tons of errands to run, so he watched the littles and I escaped for a few hours of peaceful erranding.
When I returned home and asked Monta how it went, he laughed a little and said the kids were good. Yay! It wasn't until a few hours later that he spilled the story...
Jordie came and asked Monta for some wipes. Monta, being the innocent soul that he is, thought nothing of it. That is, until Jordie came screeching out of the bathroom moments later yelling "I did it!" ... Then promptly bent himself over in front of Monta, spread his cheeks with his little hands, and shouted "See- all clean! .... High five?" 
Sometimes I underestimate Jordan's ability to disgust and humor people simultaneously...

Your Number is Huge

Jordan stepped on the scale this morning and gasped "Oh my gosh I'm gettin old! Yook how big my number gettin." ... If only that was how age worked.

Pissed

I woke up last night around 4am wondering what happened to my pillow when I realized it had been hijacked. In it's place? A small pair of bare, slightly sticky butt cheeks. Stuck to my face. Fantastic! Just what I love waking up to! Not only were the cheeks bare; the entire kid followed in the same manner. I rolled out of bed to reassess the situation and do a little detective work when all my questions were quickly answered. There, on the floor next to my bed -- my foot was directly atop a lovely pair of soaking wet jammies. Apparently when there is a midnight bed wetting in this house, it's appropriate to strip down and plant your naked self right between Mom and Dad, steal Mom's pillow and snuggle your tiny ass right up into the face of the nearest parent. I'm seriously thinking of reversing the lock on their bedroom door.

Breakfast in Bed

The kids brought me an unwrapped, half-eaten protein bar in bed this morning. They said they brought me breakfast in bed and they need a reward. I giggled as I bit into the semi-slimed bar. I told them how sweet it was to think of me like that. The smiling response?
"We bited it alweady. It weally gwoss so we give it to you, Mommy! Foh you bweakfiss!" Aww thanks guys. What kind children.

What Vanity

Emma told us how she put pancetta and parsley in the pasta last night as we sat around the dinner table...

Me: How'd you get so cute, Emma?
Em: I wohk hawd.

Wow Em... Not even a shoutout for me? Hehe ;)

Simple Division

This morning Jordan asked me for help going to the bathroom. Now, let me start this by saying that he is fully capable of doing this on his own by now and I have no idea why he suddenly wants my help (except for the occasional times like at my brother's house the other day when he decided to only pull his pants down enough to get the urine out, but not enough to allow for any aim, thereby causing a fountain that subsequently sprayed across walls, lids, seats, toilet paper and floor, and barely missed the reading material). So now he wants my help. Where do I turn? Bribery, of course. He may have a piece of chocolate if he goes alone. Minutes later, my proud son walked over to me with a grin worthy of suspicion. 
"Mommy I needa show you sumpin."
"Okay, show me."
He took my hand and walked me into the bathroom, then pointed at his doings, proudly.
"I pooped TWO times! I need two choc-its."
Buddy, just because it broke in two upon entry does not qualify you for two rewards...
But to save myself the fight, I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a piece of chocolate, and broke it in two. 
"There you go Buddy. Good job!"